Blah

I’ve been going through a lot recently. Who am I kidding my whole life. It’s my Lot in Life Lalenya, oh I can’t blame ya Lalenya. Just the cards I was dealt. I played the best I could with what I have. Hell we all have, am I right. This isn’t a woe is me. It’s my life; I own it.

What fucking just kills me though… that keeps me up at night, that keeps my mind going 24/7. That stuns me into sitting and listening to devastating news over and over not because of doom scrolling mentality. Because I am trapped in grief. Not my small human life full of trauma and old conquered fears. Not the hard cards I was dealt. The all in’s I lost, not any of that.

It’s watching as a Transplant to a land I have grown to love and for the first time in my life felt like home. Sure some of my people had something to do with that. Minnesotans are a different breed running around with their rollie ollie accents, hot dishes, passive aggressive, and boat traffic jams on the holidays type of folks.

That so many land lovers just sit idly by while The Boundary Waters get sold for mining. That Oak Flats in the dessert of Arizona is fighting the same battle and may have lost. Where I was born. That I worry for Wyoming and Yellowstone because my heart is in those mountains. Fresh water trout and clean stream you can drink off of. (Know the streams don’t be a dumb ass and drink whatever). That David Wilcock one of my favorite authors and researchers was added to a list of bizarre suicides. 11 scientists in 1 year. What is happening to the Native Americans. The food supply for my grandchildren to come. These are things that haunt me. These are the reasons I keep going.

But the disparity I feel knowing after cashing in a change jar that I had been adding to for a year and the impact it could make and just the small things people can do in their everyday lives to help the collective, our planet, our animals, our mother, our peace, it down right breaks my heart. I cannot even begin to describe the pain it brings me for our home.

I used to ask myself why? Why are people like this? And so many other questions I could never possibly list and would probably hurt some small brained. Small as in only thinks in the box brained. Yet, I still have compassion for the human race. I used to spend my time praying on it. But all that did was grew me into someone that is just going to be the change they want to see and pray the path laid for me that I am undoubtedly faithfully following pans out. But I can’t do it alone. Others are going to have to stand and take steps forward. Together. Going to have to stop seeing each other as competition but teams players for our futures. This isn’t a dooms day post, and there are tons of us out there.

I feel the road will provide is all else I have to say ✌️

Much Love and Gratitude

Alice